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I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the negativity. I realized some
Love is NOT Rude
He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him. —Proverbs 27:14
Let’s face it, no one likes to be around someone who is rude. It’s that person at the grocery store who is chatting away on their cellphone, LOUDLY – while ignoring the cashier who is trying to check them through the line. It’s that person at the movie theater who chooses to carry on a conversation with their companion during the movie. It’s the things that make us absolutely CRAZY!
As the years pass I’m noticing our society is becomming very selfish and rude.
Yes, they go hand in hand.
We have become a society of, “what’s in it for me?” people who would step on others to get ahead in the world. Our “me – me – me” thought processes have filtered down into the next generation of children who are more concerned about getting .vs giving.
I am guilty of this as much as anyone.
It is one of those personality traits that make us avoid certain people – but how often are we checking our own rudeness levels?
Rudeness can break relationships – especially marriages. It can errode trust quickly and can drive a wedge between husband and wife very quicky. In fact, many people who have marriage issues find that rudeness is one of the top complaints about their spouses.
In our family we call being rude the ‘no filter between the brain and the mouth’ syndrome. It’s speaking without thinking how you may make someone feel. Or worse…not caring how they will feel.
Keeping your rudeness monster in check can be very challenging, especially if your spouse is rude to you. The Bible verse “an eye for an eye” seems to be the mantra for rudeness in many marriages today. Your spouse does something rude to you…and you retaliate and do something rude right back. It’s like children on a playground who keep going back and forth with insults - both looking to WIN the battle.
Truth is, no one wins the rudness battle – especially the marriage itself.
The only person that you can control is YOU.
So, you need to lead by example. Get your own rudeness monster in check and give what you would want to receive.
Not sure how you are being rude? This is very common – it’s difficult for us to see our own faults and how we wrong others. It takes deep introspection to really get down to the deepest part of yourself and see the truth of what really exists there.
Here are a few questions to help you take a good look at yourself:
- How does your spouse feel about the way you speak and act around them?
- How does your behavior affect your mate’s sense of worth and self-esteem?
- Would your husband or wife say you’re a blessing, or that you’re condescending and embarrassing
Doing this the first time was really an eye-opener for me – not to mention very uncomfortable. I thought that I could do no wrong until I really sat down and thought about it. I have embarassed him on many occasions with my rudeness and many things that I have said to him do nothing to pump up his self-esteem. They tore it down.
Talk about a true revelation!
So, how do we rid ourselves of the rudeness monster?
We live our lives by 4 basic principals:
- Treat others the way we would like to be treated
- If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all
- Honor your promises – ALL your promises
- Carry the same standard of practice with all people
Keeping these 4 basic principals on our mind every day will allow us to be a more self-less person. It will keep the focus on what we can do for others .vs what others can do for us. It is through giving and not receiving that we become truly happy.
“The words from the mouth of a wise man are gracious.” (Ecclesiastes 10:12).
Ask your spouse to tell you three
things that cause him or her to be
uncomfortable or irritated with you.
You must do so without attacking them
or justifying your behavior. This is
from their perspective only.
I would love to hear how you did today! What things did your spouse tell you? How difficult was it to hold your tounge? Please share these at the bottom of this post so that others can benefit from what you have learned and so we can all support eachother in our journey.
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Love is Thoughtful
How precious also are Your thoughts to me. . . .
How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them,
they would outnumber the sand. —Psalm 139:17–18
How numb we have all become to the world around us. Numb and unaware of each other. This not only has affected our relationships with those we work with but it really has affected our relationships with our spouse, children and ultimately ourselves.
We seem to go through life just trying to get from one thing we have to get done to the next thing we have to get done. We think of only OUR needs…OUR tasks…OUR selves. What we have lost along the way is that spirit of thoughtfulness and service to our fellow man that our souls and spouses crave.
Sometimes just a simple smile can change the course of someone’s day. Try this next time you are at the drive-thru. Take a moment and really connect with the person on the other side of the window. Allow your eyes to meet theirs and give them a smile and a hello. Really be in the moment with them and you will see…just your little gesture of kindness…your small, momentary connection can change their whole demeanor.
The same goes for our spouses. We are so busy thinking about ourselves and our own needs, we forget that there is another person in this marriage who has needs and desires too.
I am as guilty of this as anyone. I go to work all day and call my husband who works from home to talk about things I need…or things that the house needs. But how often do I ever just call him to ask him how he is and offer my help to him?
Not often…I can tell you that…not nearly as often as I should.
Ask yourself these questions:
• Is there a need my spouse has that I’m not meeting?
• Do I want them to feel loved by me?
• Do they believe I want to help them?
• How would he/she react if I offered my help?
It is the simple things in life…that smile…that touch of your hand…that simple offer of your help to your spouse the re-affirms your love for them and lets them know that you are continuing to uphold your wedding vows:
For better . . . for worse
For richer . . . for poorer
In sickness . . . and in health
Until death do you part.
“I thank my God in all my remembrance of you.” (Philippians 1:3).
Contact your spouse sometime during
the business of the day. Have no agenda
other than asking how he or she
is doing and if there is anything
you could do for them.
I would love to hear how you did today! How did your spouse react when you called them? Did they give you something you could help with? Please leave your message here and let the rest of us join in YOUR journey to fireproof your marriage.
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