Everyday Life and Happiness

Beginning my weight loss journey.

When I was a teenager I was always curvy.  I won’t say skinny because I was never bean-pole-like – I was always curvy. After High School was over I went through some tough times…my father died when I was 19, I failed out of college… and my weight began to slowly rise.

After I met my husband, I began to become comfortable.  After all, I didn’t need to be as diciplined with my eating anymore; I had a guy…this is what I was staying thin for, right?  Or so I thought…On our wedding day I weighed somewhere in the neighborhood of 190 pounds. This was a far cry from the 165 pounds I’d always maintained.

Cut to 1 month after our wedding and BAM…I was pregnant. Ok…not so BAM but POOF   The morning I found out I was pregnant I went to my husband and told him. I had expected him to be overjoyed, throwing his arms around me and kissing me all over – you know…what you see in commercials or in the movies. But what actually happened was a much different senario.

He looked at me and got frustrated saying he wasn’t ready to be a father.  OUCH…this one hurt – a LOT.  Soon afterward he tried to explain to me that he was just in shock at the time and that of course he couldn’t be happier about having a baby – but the damage was done…I was broken.

I spent the next 8 months eating and eating and gaining over 100 pounds in my pregnancy.  I resented him..resented everything he did for me. Once my baby was born I resented him too. It was HIS fault that I got fat…HIS fault that my husband reacted the way he did to the news…I was a mess and I was taking it out on everyone else.

Flash forward – I have spent the last 12 years trying to lose weight – not just the physical weight I’d gained but the mental baggage I’ve been carrying for so long. But, it seems each time I begin to see success – I sabotage myself and go right back to being miserable again…miserable and fat…miserable and unhappy…miserable and COMFORTABLE.

So – today I am beginning my weight loss journey. I intend to share my journey with you in the hopes that I can inspire you to take action with me.  I may be blogging about things that are not comfortable for me or comfortable to read. Forgive me if I don’t get this right the first time – I’m going to be trying something completely new – 100% honesty with myself.

Thank you for your support and your prayers.

It’s time to finish what I started.